I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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