If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
