3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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