I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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