Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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