He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
