I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
