I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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