Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
