I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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