My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
