then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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