YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
