CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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