There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
