People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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