i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
