I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
