the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
