I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
