you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
