Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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