my phone cant type all the emotion im having
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
