you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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