you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
