I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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