no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
