I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
