Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
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