Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
