If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
