Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
