Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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