Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
