Whod you bang
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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