We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
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My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
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My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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