mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
