Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
