i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
