Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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