so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
