carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
