It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
