An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
