I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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