You just made me feel so damn special
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
