Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
