I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
