I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
