i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
