never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
