I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
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She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
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that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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