Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
