The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
