he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
