At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
