i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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