Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize