just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
