Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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