Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
