is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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