Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
