I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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