The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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