You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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