I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize