FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
