I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
